Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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