I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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