flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
