Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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