I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
