omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
