My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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