No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
