the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
