i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
