Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
