All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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