I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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