a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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