One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
