Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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