I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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