I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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