Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
