how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
