It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
