textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
