I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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