i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
