he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
