is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
