The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
