I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
