you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
