True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
