If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
