i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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