Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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