If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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