This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
