are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
