Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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