Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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