once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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