We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
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Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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