youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
