Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
