i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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