so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
