Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
