she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
