She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it was like eating out sand paper
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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