I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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