my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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