Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
