This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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