i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
