Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize