dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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