How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
