Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
