I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
