so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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