well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
where are my eyebrows?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
