i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
