every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
