Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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