Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
