When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
