someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
