Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
