Just fell off a train. Bad.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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