i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
