GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
