I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
