i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
