On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
