he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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