Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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