sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
