At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
