she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
